Homework battles are common!
Some parents reach out to me for tutoring because their kids are struggling in a subject. They can’t help their children themselves. Perhaps they don’t know how to teach their child to read or it’s been a long time since they have done Algebra. However, I also assist parents who are able to help their kids, but their efforts end up in homework battles. One mom hired me to tutor her middle school son in math, and she had been a high school math teacher! She knew the concepts and had time to help him, but he accepted help better from someone other than her. This is really common!
Recently, a friend who is a professional editor posted about her experience with homework battles on Facebook. Her 3rd-grade son’s name starts with Z and her husband’s initials are JM.
Her friend responded with this:
Then her mom and another friend responded with this:
That same week, another friend posted this in a mom group:
These posts are so relatable. My own kids can be like this at times. And as a tutor, this is one of the reasons I have a job. Here are four main reasons it may be helpful to get a tutor for your child if you are experiencing the same problems in your house:
1. Kids resist being told what to do by their parents
I often hear parents say things like, “I just can’t get my daughter to read,” “He won’t let me help him edit his essay,” or “I bought her an SAT prep book, but she hasn’t worked a single problem in it.” Kids are used to being nagged about chores, wearing a coat, brushing their teeth, picking up, eating their breakfast, when to be home, etc. When parents ask about their homework, they feel like they are being nagged more.
One mom told me her middle school son accused her of being like “Hitler with the work camps.” All she had done was suggest he work on a big essay assignment during a recent day off from school. Middle schoolers can be so dramatic! I currently have two of them, myself, so I’m familiar with the big emotions. We parents often struggle to know how much to push our kids and how much to let things go (and let them suffer natural consequences). It’s hard.
2. Kids “hold it together” better for others
If you have created a warm and loving home life, I’m guessing your kids don’t live in fear of you. They feel comfortable enough to have meltdowns at home. You are their safe space, and that’s a good thing. But in the midst of melting down, they aren’t capable of being teachable. They can waste a lot of time before calming down and getting back on track. They’re more prone to argue with you if you aren’t showing them how to do something in the same way the teacher showed them in class. They are quick to show their frustration, disgust, etc. Kids “hold it together” and remain teachable for tutors since we are a third party.
3. Kids respond better to being “pushed” by a tutor
Since I’m not the parent, I can “push” kids to get things done or remind them of upcoming deadlines without receiving “push-back.” Our sessions are less emotional and more efficient. I can “nag” the student so the parents don’t have to. This results in a more positive and peaceful parent-child relationship.
4. It’s hard to be consistent
As parents, we know we need to carve out regularly scheduled time to have our kids practice things like multiplication facts, spelling, reading, etc. But it’s hard to find the time and make it part of a routine. I also had a hard time consistently “making” my kids practice these things.
You may not have the time or energy to be up on every little thing going on in your child’s classes. You might not remember to check their grades regularly. I can stay on top of their current work and looming deadlines and provide a “heads-up” to parents about things to be aware of without the parents having to be “in the weeds.”
Sometimes it’s easier for parents to outsource these tasks in the midst of their busy lives. Having a tutor meet with your child during regularly-occurring sessions helps ensure they will get the consistent practice and accountability they may need.
End the conflicts
Some kids are naturally self-motivated, compliant, and teachable. But if yours isn’t, and you resonate with this post, I want to reassure you that you are not alone! Many parents just like you have reached out to me for support. I’d be happy to partner with you to help your child become more successful. I can ensure things will get done without the drama. Please get in touch with me if you would like to chat about how I might be able to assist you and your child and help restore peace in your relationship with each other.
